He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
