I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
