i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
