I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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