it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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