What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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