I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I came so hard my ears popped.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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