I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
