Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
