If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
