You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
