even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
