if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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