lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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