I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
