I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
