East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
