I understand Curling. That high.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
