member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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