is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
