It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
