I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
