operation harelip BJ is a go
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
