singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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