Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
