he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
