he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize