Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He did a backflip because drugs
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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