I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
