I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
