Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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