we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
