Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize