meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
