so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
