i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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