the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
