Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
