you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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