id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
