i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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