So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
