After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
