I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
