Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
