remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
