I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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