Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
