Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
