I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
