I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
