You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
