It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
