Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
