I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
