I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
