I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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