I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
