how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
