Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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