Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
